Managing Unexpected Change — Dealing with losing your job.

As we know change is inevitable. It is just part of life. Yes, we deal with all types of changes. Changes in our family. Changes in our plans. Changes in expectations. Changes in work and Yes, Changes in our lives!

Change is inevitable!

For most of us, work is at the center of our lives. We experience all types of fulfillment and mental stimulation from the work we do and the environment we work in. Change has always been a part of corporate culture and today it is more prevalent than ever before, if you want to remain up to date and on the leading edge of success you must learn to not only deal with change but to embrace it and then use to your advantage!

Pressure from boards and investors is even more demanding to achieve profits and dividends for shareholders. Companies are becoming more scrutinized for how capital is invested and how expenses are managed. Sometimes change hits right at the heart of the business culture with a reduction in force, sometimes, it may come as a total surprise when it knocks at your door. How we manage that change is crucial to the manner in which we react, respond, and eventually survive.

Today, change is a reality in corporate America. Sometimes we can anticipate this might happen, but many times tell ourselves “it just won’t be me” until it is!

I speak from experience.

Three years ago, that knock came at my door. Being one of many top executives at a multi-billion-dollar company, I led a very large organization of people and financial responsibility I held for nearly 34 years. I never really gave serious thought I would be vulnerable to being “Changed”, yet in a matter of moments, as the news of my separation rang through my ears, all sorts of emotions flashed through my brain. I remember grasping, thriving to recover from the moment. Asking myself

“Why me”?

After 34 years I didn’t expect it would all end like this!

It was a week later when I communicated to my team, that I decided to “retire”. Their reaction was shock, fear, tears, and sadness. This was the first time ever I had to communicate to them in a manner of a “non-truth”. It hurt almost as much as delivering the message itself. Most of them knew me for so many years and only knew directness and truth, and therefore knew this was not one of those experiences.

I spent the next thirty days working with my successor on a turnover process while absorbing my shock of reality. I was going to leave this office soon, an office I spent most of my life in shared so many emotions.

I would see my career at the company come to an end and while I was leaving at a high point of performance, it felt overshadowed by the manner in which I was leaving. Nevertheless, this was my reality!

My final day arrived, and it became time to say goodbye to my team and my friends and leave my career of 34 years behind. I left with so many amazing and wonderful memories all overshadowed by feelings of emptiness. All I could think of was “ what now?”

I shared my story with you to emphasize the most important message.

Never lose the vision of your self-worth.

You were valuable and potent yesterday and are just as valuable and potent the day after and the day after that.

You didn’t change! The circumstances and environment changed!!

It has been 3 years and my life is great! I not only survived; I have thrived. New opportunities have opened for me, opportunities I would have never explored had I not been “retired”

If this type of change is impacting you, here are some thoughts…

What next?

1. STOP and do nothing. Allow your mind to be set free and absorb the experience.

2. Allow yourself to feel what you feel -whether anger, sorrow, hurt and yes feel free to shed tears.

3. Write down, YES write down on paper every emotion you feel. It will matter later!!

4. Acknowledge that this experience will pass even though you don’t know when.

a. Remember that this was a job, NOT YOUR LIFE! Yes, the job was important in so many ways, but you are still alive. The company removed you from a “role” but didn’t sentence you to a life execution! You have value! You have been in that role as long as you had because you offered a valuable contribution, or you would have been terminated for performance.

5. Breathe. Spend some time with yourself “alone” and experience the environment around you that in most cases you missed for many years with your commitment to work!

6. Acknowledge you existed BEFORE this company and WILL EXIST after this event. You have a life to live and value to contribute. You will just be contributing your value somewhere else.

Recovery

This immediate period of change may last for weeks or months. What is very important is what you do during this period of time, makes the difference in the quality of your recovery and bounce back success. The following are a few pointers or suggestions from my personal experience that realized success. Seriously think about seeing a professional coach or counselor or phycologist. The value of doing this is extremely potent with a quality individual and the level of openness you share. It works! No, you are not crazy. As with seeing a medical doctor when you feel physically ill, this approach is extremely effective since you are “emotionally” ill!

1. “Looking in the Mirror”exercise. I suggest this often with individuals I coach now. Trust me on this one — it is extremely effective if you execute this exactly the way I am instructing you.

a. Be alone.

b. Have a full-length mirror

c. Have paper and pen or a voice recorder.

d. Stand in front of a mirror with no clothing on. Why? To be alone with the real naked you. No distractions. No disguises. Just You

e. Now staring in the mirror, identify 10 attributes you “SEE” when you look at yourself. This will result not only in physical attributes but if open and honest with yourself, you will examine you; the inner you with all your attributes

f. Once you complete the list, put the paper aside, for now, get dressed and go about your day.

2. Calendar Exercise

a. ERASE or DELETE all assignments and meetings associated with work. ALL OF THEM! (Remember, it now part of your PAST, not your FUTURE!)

b. Block out at least an hour or more “ALONE” with your IPAD, iPhone, computer or whatever electronic device you desire

c. Create Two Task lists. One that is headed by Personal and the other titled Tasks.

d. Without any thought of priority, just “impulsively” list every personal task and every “to do list” task to one of the two lists. These lists will be perpetual and ongoing!

i. These assignments can be anything from going for a haircut to going to the spa, to calling someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time and calling someone to fix the broken fence which has been broken for a year!

e. Once you have completed these lists, select at least one from each column and assign them to next weeks calendar. NO EXCUSES!

f. Finally, schedule at least one to two lunches or breakfast with someone close to you who you haven’t spent quality time with in a long time

How do I begin?

Moving forward from where you are now is not easy.

Acknowledge that it is not easy. You have arrived at a place which you had not planned to arrive at this point in time. Your life has been planned for up to this point by work assignments and commitments.

You now have one of two choices.

Sit at home and do nothing feeling bad and sad and rotting in isolation

Or

Decide, choose to move forward and begin to claw your way forward by engaging in activity however simple or even mundane it may be.

How do you decide what to do? Great question! How about you start with that list from the exercise you completed prior- completing two lists- personal and tasks.

Where do you want to begin??

In the early quiet time of my first two weeks, I explored some things from my list. I researched some business boards I might want to join. I found this local leadership group where executives gather and go on weekly visits to companies and volunteer organizations. It was amazing what I discovered right under my nose that I never knew existed. I realized that now I had no excuse not to commit to daily exercise at the gym. I had no interruptions, -no meeting. No commitments! I thought about people that could help stimulate my mind and maybe some people I haven’t connected with in a while and called them to have coffee or lunch. I made it known that I was now available to meet others or do other things since I wasn’t working leveraging social media. You will be surprised how many people reach out to you once they know you are available! Don’t make excuses that you will think about it or don’t have time. You are NEITHER!! Take the plunge and do it!

DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF!

Making a long-range plan

What I had come to learn really quick was that the only way I could even think about a long-range plan was to understand a short-range beginning. I needed to find my value. Acknowledge I still can contribute. Life wasn’t over, my job at that company was! There is a huge difference.

I can still remember a chief executive I worked with for many years and learned to have much respect for, shared a personal thought with me in his office that I never have forgotten.

“Mario- always remember this when you worry about work and your career. “ it’s not your wife, it’s not your life — it’s just a job”!

Wow! This was coming from my boss! And I learned through many falls, and pain and bloodshed how correct he was. More importantly, I found his message incredibly valuable after my separation.

My life wasn’t over — my job at the company was. There is a huge difference!!

This leads me to the exercise we discussed earlier “Look in the Mirror”. which “I KNOW YOU COMPLETED EXACTLY AS I SUGGESTED”!

I do believe in this exercise as an awakening to your truth! Yes, your truth! If you were completely honest with yourself, you should have discovered that you are quite a great individual!

You have incredible attributes!

You have incredible skills.

You are liked

You are loved

You have so much to offer and have offered much of your attributes to others over the years.

Now it is time to invest these skills and attributes with others who need YOU! You were blessed with these skills and talents which led you to today. And today you have been offered an opportunity to offer these talents to a new group of people and invest now in them!

Yes, it’s true.

When one door closes another door or doors open for you.

You need to look for those doors.

You need to accept the opportunities.

You need to acknowledge that YOU are OK.

You are good.

You have value.

It has been three years since my departure. The pain has lessened but is not gone. I have grown in so many new ways.

I now spend my time coaching other people; I can see how my experiences and skills can benefit others and in a small part change their views and their lives.

I consult with businesses and offer my experiences both my hard times and my successes. I have the time to write and share thoughts and experiences.

I now have the opportunity to “pay it forward”.

I have learned that I have so many talents, I have re-discovered talents I forgot I had and have discovered new talents I didn’t know I possessed.

I now hear things that that I never heard since my hearing was muffled with work thoughts.

I can see things I never could see since I previously had a single vision only of work.

I can speak from my heart so much better since the truth is the truth with no worries about work.

I can express feelings much better with no concerns it didn’t fit within the company guidelines.

I have time to feel love and enjoy life so much more.

I met some incredible people and rediscovered friends and met some great new friends.

.

So, if you have the experience of “being Changed”, learn from this that there is life after work! Most importantly rediscover the joy of life. Realize that “CHANGE” is a blessing and a pleasant new beginning in your life.

Believe You Can …and You will!!!

Mario